So, tomorrow is the big day…my first day of chemotherapy. My appointment printout says that I am scheduled for a port draw at 8:30 followed by lab work and an exam before my 9:30 infusion in chair #4. They must have known that details and information help me process things. I was able to visit the chemo room at my last appointment, so I know exactly where I will be. I will be getting infusions every day this week. Tomorrow will be a full day and the others will be 9:00-2:00ish.
Although I am keeping it together for the most part, I am a bundle of emotions.
I am scared. What will it feel like when the meds start flowing? Will it hurt when they access my port? Will I throw up on the first day? How many times will I throw up? I expect that once I have the first day under my belt, I will gain some confidence walking in for day #2.
I am anxious. I want to get this started. The sooner I start, the sooner I get to ring the bell. I am not sure how much I will sleep tonight.
I am hopeful. I am confident that God has put this team in place to care specifically for me. I know that I will not be alone tomorrow. I will be supported by all the love and prayers of my family and friends. The most important thing I know is that my heavenly Father will be by my side. His love can and WILL calm my fears and keep me hopeful.